Kaelan Hollon Archives
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A Drunken Bet I Never Shoulda' Made
by Kaelan Hollon - 06/28/2005
There is a rumor (its been said) that I just may be unstoppable. At least, in the wee hours of the night before dawn crawls through the window slats, once you put five or six whiskeys in me and some Waylon on the jukebox. When I get to drinking, I get to talking. And sweet Christ, you get me to talking, and there's more trouble afoot than a hippie taking acid at a tent revival. Good Kentucky bourbon will get me wilder than a peach orchard warthog after a good, wet, Spring. And when that happens, well…..it's not a real fine time to go placing bets, as I found out this past NCAA basketball season.
Read more about Kaelan's drunken bet.
You Shoulda Been There: Heart of Preakness
by Kaelan Hollon - 05/24/2005
Four times now, when someone has asked me about last weekend's attendance in the Preakness Infield, I fall to the floor choking on my own tongue, all spasmodic twitching and itchy hives, and scream out between a torrent of curse words, "Sweet Baby Jesus make it STOOOOOPPPPP!!! IT BURNS! OH GAWD IT BURRRNNNNSSS!"
Read more about Preakness infield.
Gamblers, Trial Lawyers, and Other Blood Sucking Sex Fiends
by Kaelan Hollon - 05/20/2005
If you asked me five years ago what a lawyer had in common with a gambling man, the only thing I could've told you is that we both piss the same color and bleed when you cut us. But it turns out we've a lot more in common than I thought. The thing is, pal, (and this is just between you and me) that the bright bonfires in our respective bellies are kindled by the similar vices of lust, greed and chance. I stand in court wagering bets on the unpredictable, and you're on the sidelines doing the same.
Read more about Gamblers and Trial Lawyers.
Kentucky Derby Party -- Infield or Clubhouse: A Kentuckian's Advice on Throwing a Derby Bash
by Kaelan Hollon - 04/28/2005
Staring down the long, cold barrel of a Kentucky State Trooper's handgun at 2:49 in the morning in the first weekend of May is not a fun way to bide time. Kentucky takes its horses very, very seriously, and attempting to hop on a $120,000 thoroughbred during one's stay in the Bluegrass State does not a good Derby Day make, as a friend of mine recently found out. Handcuffs hurt. And the jails in the Commonwealth? Let me tell you something, Bubba, they ain't a bit of fun.
Read more about Kentucky Derby party.
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