This Week in Sports Betting, A-Z
by Nicholas Tolomeo - 11/21/2012
A – All-time scoring record. Jack Taylor set the NCAA all-time scoring when he somehow dropped 138 points for Division III Grinnel against Faith Baptist Bible. The sophomore found time to shoot 71 freaking three-pointers and 108 total shots. Taylor finished 52-of-108 from the floor and 27-of-71 from three-point range to break the previous scoring record held by Bevo Francis of Rio Grande who scored 113 in 1954. Apparently Joseph Amendola was playing defense against Taylor. After the game Taylor said that he felt like "everything was going in." Well by math, everything was going in except those 56 shots you missed.
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B – BCS. The combination of Kansas State losing to Baylor and Oregon losing to Stanford led a group of Alabama fans to celebrate (where else) in a Waffle House parking lot. The impromptu fracas was caught on tape and immediately went viral north of the Mason Dixon line. Not only do the Crimson Tide have renewed BCS Championship hopes, but they were also in close proximity to biscuits and gravy,. What's not to celebrate?
C – Cleveland Cop. What's worse than dunking your head in a bucket of piss? Getting suspended from work because of it. A few weeks back, video surfaced of a Cleveland browns fan named Phil who opted to dunk his head in a bucket of steaming tailgate urine for $450. Turns out the man is Patrolman Phil Croucher, a 16-year veteran of the Mentor, Ohio police department. For getting a face full of piss, Croucher was suspended two days and will have to undergo an alcohol evaluation as well as other testing hopefully. But it gets even more Cleveland. Turns out the $450 came from his buddies, who were also cops from the area. The buddies were just verbally reprimanded.
D – Danica Patrick. Christmas came early for rednecks when it was announced on Tuesday that Danica Patrick was getting a divorce from husband Paul Hospenthal after seven years of marriage. Hospenthal has openly admitted he has been uncomfortable being known as Mr. Danica Patrick; now he will be known as Mr. Ex-Danica Patrick. That should be easier.
E – Extra Point. With his team up 58-24 in the final minutes of a blowout win against the Indianapolis Colts, New England's all-everything tight end Rob Gronkowski was in the game and blocking on an extra point for some reason. Well, he ended up breaking his forearm and will miss about four weeks. You would feel for the team if Bill Belichick wasn’t calling the shots.
F – Fatboy! Marcus Vick, who is either unemployed or in jail right, took to Twitter to berate the struggling Eagles, blaming everyone but his brother, the younger Vick even went on to tweet, "Yeaaaaa! Try everything n your handbook to save your ass FATBOY!!!!" Later in the day he then claimed the fatboy tweet was NOT intended at Andy Reid, which was even funnier than the tweet itself.
G – “Gangnam Style”. The dance and song that won’t die has found new life north of the border. In perhaps the most Canadian thing ever, Korean rapper Psy will perform “Gangnam Style” during halftime of the Buffalo Bills "home" game in Toronto on Dec. 16 against the Seahawks. The sure-to-be-legendary halftime performance will feature 60 dancers, Bills cheerleaders, and contest winners. What contest in hell did those people win?
H- Handball. Professional handball player Ivan Stuffer made the rounds on US sports blogs the only way a pro handball player can, by dropping his pants and grabbing his junk. After an opponent kissed him on the check, Stuff shoved the opponent to the ground, and then as he walked off the court, he dropped his pants, grabbed his junk (insert handball joke here), taunted the crowd and then climbed into the crowd.
I – IPFW. On the night that Jack Taylor scored 138 points, something called Judson College was held to 22 points in a 92-22 loss to Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne, AKA IPFW. There are actually more letters in the name of Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne (42) than points it allowed to Judson (22), who was at least symmetrical by scoring 11 points in each half.
J – Jeff Tedford. California finally fired Jeff Tedford after 11 seasons. Tedford has been on the hot seat for what seems like his entire tenure. Under his watch the Bears have failed to win a bowl game since 2008 and have easily been surpassed by UCLA, USC and probably even De La Salle High School. The Bears are currently 3-9 overall and 2-7 in a lousy Pac-12 Conference.
K – Kings and Suns. The NBA season is a long marathon, but the oddsmakers want to make one thing abundantly clear: the Sacramento Kings and Phoenix Suns have no chance at winning the Pacific Division. Both teams are listed at +14,500 to win the division behind favorites the Lakers (-185) and Clippers (+165). The Golden Warriors fall somewhere in between at +7000.
L – Lee Corso. According to 5Dimes, Lee Corso is all but a lock to don some Fighting Irish head gear on Saturday. Corso is listed as a –590 favorite to pick Notre Dame to win as opposed to picking USC to win (+390). This is a weekly bet offered by 5Dimes that allows a better to lose money before a game even starts!
M – Mike Fisher. When Carrie Underwood won an award at a recent American Music Awards show, she turned around and handed her purse to husband Mike Fisher. It was one of the most degrading things to happen to a man on national television, and now the NHL owners have more leverage than any in their negotiations with the locked-out players.
N – National Championship. And then there were five. Bovada has narrowed its list of BCS National Championship contenders to five. In BCS National Championship odds, Alabama is the favorite at 4/7 ahead of top-ranked Notre Dame (5/2). Other available options are Georgia (6/1), Oregon (17/2) and Kansas State (20/1).
O – Ohio State. Ohio State will wear Pro Combat uniforms on Saturday when they face rival Michigan. This makes sense since most of the Buckeyes are likely being paid like Pros.
P – Panthers. The Carolina Panthers have wrestled away the title of 'Worst Super Bowl Odds' from the Cleveland Browns. The Panthers are now listed at 1500/1 to win Super Bowl XLVII. The Browns, who had the worst odds for most of the season, are now listed at 1000/1.
Q – Quarterback controversy. San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh single-handily derailed his team's Super Bowl chances when he declared that he would start the quarterback "who's got the hot hand." This came after Colin Kaepernick, making his first ever start, had a great game against the Chicago Bears. Start fanning the flames for the latest quarterback controversy in the NFL.
R – Ray Rice. After the Ravens beat Byron Leftwich and the Pittsburgh Steelers 13-10 on Sunday night, Baltimore running back Ray Rice mocked Steeler fans by waving a Terrible Towel and draping it over his head. This came after Rice exploded for 40 yards on 20 carries in a game when the Baltimore offense never scored a touchdown.
S – Steelers. With injuries decimating their wide receiver corps and quarterbacks, the Steelers turned back the clock and turned to Michigan State. They brought back former wide receiver and Michigan State alum Plaxico Burress on Tuesday and signed former Michigan State quarterback Brian Hoyer as well. Hoyer will backup 38-year old Charlie Batch, who will get the start in Cleveland. With the Batch-to-Burress connection back in the league, the Steelers are the favorite to win the 2003 AFC North.
T – Turkey. The NFL is making it harder and harder to slip into a Turkey-induced coma with another solid tripleheader for football fans and degenerate gamblers. Super Bowl favorite Houston (-3) kicks off the day at Detroit at 12:30 p.m. ET with a posted total of 50.5, one of the highest in the league this season. Washington visits Dallas (-3.5) at 4:15 p.m. an NFC East showdown Tony Romo is sure to choke away, and the Patriots (-6.5) visit the Jets in the nightcap at 8:20 p.m.
U – URL. If you type in Nets.com you are directed to the New York Knicks Web site. This isn’t a glitch but an attempt at a money grab by Cyber Mesa, a telecommunications company in New Mexico who is trying to sell the domain name to the Nets. If they really wanted the Nets to pony up some dollars, they should have Nets.com redirect to some awful raunchy porn site.
V – Vikings bye week. Minnesota Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder spent his bye week on a college football tour, trolling his smoking hot girlfriend Samantha Steele. Ponder followed Steele to Charlottesville on Thursday for the Virginia/North Carolina game, and he was with her in Eugene for the Stanford/Oregon tilt. At this rate Ponder probably hopes the Vikings miss the playoffs.
W – Willis McGahee. The professional cripple Willis McGahee has again torn something that ends with the letters CL. The Denver Broncos running back will miss 6-8 weeks with a torn MCL after doing what he does best, tearing it this past Sunday. He famously had his knee explode in the 2003 BCS title game.
X – “X Factor”. We have our first batch of “X Factor” odds on Bovada. Someone called Carly Rose Sonenclar is the favorite at 5/4 just ahead of Tate Stevens (9/4), Vino Alan (5/1) and Emblem3 (8/1). The longshot is someone called CeCe Frey at 50/1.
Y – Yankees. Breaking news: the Yankees are throwing money around at old people. The Yankees signed 37-year-old Hiroki Kuroda to a one-year, $15 million deal on Tuesday. Kuroda went 16-11 with a 3.32 ERA. Next on their wish list is likely to be Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemons and then Whitey Ford.
Z – Zlatan Ibrahimovic. The Swedish striker scored perhaps the goal of the decade against England last week during a friendly. The 25-yard overhead kick that accounted for his fourth of the day was remarkable but still not enough to topple "Gay" as the most popular word associated with his name on Google. When you begin typing in Zlatan into the Google search box, “Zlatan Ibrahimovic Gay” is still the first choice followed by “Zlatan Ibrahimovic Goal” and “Zlatan Ibrahimovic goal vs. England.”