by Robert Ferringo - 01/11/2006
It's time once again for the annual Hollywood gathering of sodomites and idol worshipers that marks the coming of the most fabulous season of the year: Awards Season.
Prepare for an attack by the vampires in the Rivers clan. Get ready for hours of analysis on the fashion choices of that group of decadent masochists known as "A-listers." Sit back and enjoy as people with more money than the Gross Domestic Product of Liberia flatter and aggrandize themselves.
The 63rd Annual Golden Globe Awards will be telecast at 8 p.m. EST on Monday, Jan. 16 from The Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association selects the winners.
I suppose the only thing more fun than mocking celebrities is making money on their exploits. Our friends at Bodog have posted odds on several of the Golden Globe's major categories. Here's a quick rundown of what to watch for:
Best Motion Picture - Drama
Favorite: Brokeback Mountain (1/5)
Sleeper: Good Night, and Good Luck (4/1)
The Skinny: In football, "Defense wins championships." In Hollywood, "Controversy wins awards." I think the sex fiends out in La-La Land will enjoy giving the award to Brokeback Mountain just to piss off the Jesus freaks in the Bible Belt. Good Night, and Good Luck was excellent, and its themes proved socially relevant in a year satiated with political scandal and paranoia.
Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Walk The Line (1/3)
Sleeper: The Squid and the Whale (3/1)
The Skinny: Just because Walk the Line was about a singer doesn't make it a musical. Does it? This is actually a pretty weak group, with Squid and the 38th remake of The Producers the only others really worth mentioning.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
Favorite: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote (1/2)
Sleeper: Heath Ledger, Brokeback Mountain (9/5)
The Skinny: I'm just pointing out the obvious, but there are dominant homosexual overtones throughout this year's movie nominees. This category is no exception. Hoffman was brilliant while playing the controversial writer Truman Capote. Ledger has the momentum, but I think the HFPA will reward the better performance.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Favorite: Felicity Huffman, Transamerica (2/5)
Sleeper: Charlize Theron, North Country (9/2)
The Skinny: In an effort to diversify, I think the judges will mix up the homosexual homage by recognizing the work of a tranny. Huffman actually has a shot at pulling a rare double by winning in the movie and TV categories.
Theron gave another virtuoso performance as a female miner in North Country. However, I think her odds of a second Golden Globe in three years (Monster, 2004) would be better if her miner was also a fat, murderous, lesbian hooker.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line (1/3)
Sleeper: Jeff Daniels, The Squid and the Whale (7/1)
The Skinny: Nathan Lane (4/1, The Producers) also has an outside chance here. However, once WTL hit the box office last summer people started engraving Phoenix's name on this award. It would be a major upset - and a huge disappointment - if The Man in Black was denied.
Best Actress in a Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line (1/6)
Sleeper: Judi Dench, Mrs. Henderson Presents (6/1)
The Skinny: Witherspoon's work in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blond should have placed her on the "banned" list. She may not have a voice like Jessica Simpson, or look as good wearing only cowboy boots, but she was very convincing as June Carter and a strong compliment to Phoenix. Dench is a dark horse as the sentimental choice.
Best Television Series - Drama
Favorite: Lost (2/5)
Sleeper: Rome (10/1)
The Skinny: This really should be a no-brainer. In fact, of all the "locks" I think you're getting the best odds here. Lost has been one of the most intelligent, captivating shows in years.
Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Desperate Housewives (5/6)
Sleeper: Entourage (2/1)
The Skinny: Will it be the Boys from the Bronx or the Ladies of Wisteria Lane? It's easy to forget the buzz that surrounded Entourage during its running this summer, but it truly is one of the most entertaining shows on cable.
Wasn't it just two months ago that entertainment writers across the country were cranking out the "Has Desperate Housewives lost its edge" columns? I don't see how critics could be questioning DH's appeal one minute, then rewarding it the next.
Best Actor in a TV Series - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Jason Lee, My Name is Earl (11/10)
Sleeper: Steve Carell, The Office (6/1)
The Skinny: I've been a Jason Lee fan since watching Mallrats in high school. However, Steve Carell could be a good value bet in this spot after his monster 2005. Carell finished his run on The Daily Show after helping it explode into the mainstream. He followed that with a hit summer movie (The 40-Year-Old Virgin). Finally, his work in The Office carried the show (and its sagging ratings) into a second season.
Best Actress in a TV Series - Musical or Comedy
Favorite: Teri Hatcher, Desperate Housewives (6/5)
Sleepers: Marcia Cross, DH (11/1); Felicity Huffman, DH (7/2)
The Skinny: This category has big-money potential for a risk-taker. Hatcher won this category in 2005, but back-to-back Globes is doubtful since you she isn't that much better than her co-stars. In fact, Huffman could be considered the favorite by virtue of her Emmy and Tribeca victories over Hatcher. Eva Longoria (2/1) is a trap bet. Personally, I've always thought that Cross is a scene-stealer who has crafted the finest character.
Best Actor in a TV Series - Drama
Favorite: Hugh Laurie, House, M.D. (11/10)
Sleeper: Matthew Fox, Lost (8/1)
The Skinny: The only thing better than Hugh Laurie's performance on House is the Mad TV skit about his grating, predictable, character. Patrick Dempsey (2/1) is also a threat for his role as Dr. Derek Shepherd on Grey's Anatomy. He'll be looking to avenge his 1989 snubbing for his work in Loverboy.
Best Actress in a TV Series - Drama
Favorite: Geena Davis, Commander-in-Chief (6/5)
Sleeper: Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer (7/2)
The Skinny: One of the most unintentionally funny moments of the fall season was Geena Davis' interview with John Madden on Monday Night Football while promoting her show. Davis rebounded nicely. Madden? Not so much. I think Sedgwick has the most engaging character and is a possibility. Patricia Arquette (2/1, Medium) has perfected the role of freaky-chick-that-you'd-still-do-even-though-she-worships-Satan, and could walk away with the award.
Questions or comments for Robert? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org or check out his Insider Page here.