It was nearing 3:23 a.m. on Saturday night. I was forcing down the stiff bottom of a Morgan's-and-Ginger at Saints & Sinners down on Venice Boulevard, breathing in an atmosphere full of mock sophistication and menthol cigarettes. I was somewhere between the ice and the ingest when my friend, Michael Rappaport, shot out of his chair to unleash a torrid rant about the upcoming NFL Draft.

Rappaport is a native New Yorker, but I am still unsure if he favors the Giants or the Jets. But at this critical moment he was just a Fan, laying out the complete ontology of one of football's quirkiest spectacles. The NFL Draft - two parts human auction, one part sociologic experiment - is the Alaskan pipeline of Sport's grandest game. It is a rite of spring, floating somewhere between April Fool's Day and Easter on the Scale of Significance for the month. This year it will be held on the 29th and 30th.

Rappaport was frothing at the mouth, spilling his imported beer on some startled tourists from Topeka. She was allegedly a Rams fan and he a Broncos faithful, and they had wandered within earshot after recognizing my famous friend. Rap was deconstructing the Natural Order and communistic simplicity of the draft when he suddenly shot a stake through the heart of the Dreaded Beast. He did so poetically, drawing long-lost inspiration from one of his early roles:

"A first-round draft pick can make you dizzy," Rap said. "Like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. He can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a No. 1 pick. In his addiction to pain, in his soul's lust for blood, in the way he makes every rotten little thing about your team's roster seem like it's going to be okay."

I had heard this diatribe from him before. And again, he had a point. Something in his voice now seemed to make Sense. I set my drink down and nodded in agreement, and we both set back in silence, enjoying the facts that A) we had discovered the Truth, and B) we hadn't been born into serfdom on the French countryside during the Dark Ages.

But that's another song and the jukebox is already full, my friend.

It's only April, but as the ass clowns at ESPN are quick to point out it's never too early to begin thinking about the NFL season. Here is a brief overview of the teams involved in the top half of the first round in this year's draft, and later we will check out the wants and needs of the bottom half:

(Teams are listed in order of selection, and include the club's 2005 record as well as their opponent's winning percentage.)

1. Houston Texans (2-14, .535) - As the immortal Booger from Revenge of the Nerds said, "We've got Bush!" Reggie is the obvious choice, but it doesn't end there for the Texans. They get the rights to three of the top 65 players in the draft, and have multiple holes to fill. They desperately need offensive line support in the second round, and could use a smaller, faster linebacker with sideline-to-sideline speed to plug into their disorganized 3-4 defense.

2. New Orleans Saints (3-13, .525) - Their recent trade of left tackle Wayne Gandy, along with the loss of Pro Bowl center LeCharles Bentley to free agency, leaves serious gaps in the O-line. No. 1 pick Jammal Brown was solid last year, and grabbing Virginia tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson would give the Saints a pair of bookends for the next decade. This is the Fulcrum Pick in this draft - the one that is most likely to be moved and send a ripple through the rest of the day.

3. Tennessee Titans (4-12, .512) - Considering that Steve McNair isn't allowed to workout at the Titans' facilities (because according to the team his contract situation is unresolved), it's a pretty safe bet that the Titans are going quarterback. But do they go with the local boy (Vandy's Jay Cutler), the athletic marvel (Vince Young) or reunite coordinator Norm Chow with his former pupil (Matt Leinhart)? They still need secondary help, and also have to grab at least one tackle on the first day.

4. New York Jets (4-12, .535) - With three of the top 35 selections at their disposal, the Jets would be fools not to snag either Leinhart or Young here. They can address the other needs - most notably along the defensive line - with the other selection.

5. Green Bay Packers (4-12, .531) - If Green Bay is wise it will construct the Pre-Favre Pack as a defensive juggernaut. They haven't had much in the way of impact defenders since Rev. Reggie White left. Also, they lost center Mike Flanagan to Houston, and now have an enormous gap in the center of their line. They need another corner, but may be gun-shy about grabbing one after the struggles of 2004 first-rounder Ahmed Carroll. A.J. Hawk is the likely pick, and they have to pray that center Nick Mangold slips to them in the second round.

6. San Francisco (4-12, .539) - Everyone surmises that S.F. needs weapons for Alex Smith, and that tight end Vernon Davis is a shoo-in. Not so fast. Eric Johnson missed all of 2003 and 2005 with injuries, but in 2004 the TE was a stud and hauled in 82 passes. The 49ers have so many other needs, I think Davis would be a luxury. The Niners lost two linebackers - including Julian Peterson - and need an heir to Bryant Young as a pass rusher.

7. Oakland Raiders (4-12, .539) - If Raiders fans thought Kerry Collins was an accident waiting to happen, wait until they get a load of Aaron Brooks! There's no way they could let Young or Leinhart slip past them. But they too have a lot of holes. The secondary has been decimated over the past three offseasons, and they are old and slow on the defensive line. The good news is that they have a great either/or between DT Haloti Ngata and DB Michael Huff.

8. Buffalo Bills (5-11, .500) - Given their documented financial difficulties, and knowing that they're likely going to have to pay the No. 1 overall pick in 2007, the Bills should save some loot and trade this pick. If not, they desperately need an interior lineman (offensive or defensive), a wideout, or another defensive back.

9. Detroit Lions (5-11, .504) - Another receiver. Seriously. OK I'm kidding. The only group that underachieved worse than their wideouts is their offensive line. They need to retool the entire right side. Also, they are desperate for a defensive leader in the front seven, particularly at middle linebacker (depending on what they decide to do with Teddy Lehman).

10. Arizona Cardinals (5-11, .508) - It cracks me up that people still think the Cards are going to be any good this year. We'll talk more about that later. They won't be unless they can get some more defensive help. He's not going to be around, but they would love to get their hands on Huff. If not, they have to stay in the secondary or take the best linebacker available. I think they go defense-defense with their first two picks, but they also need an offensive lineman with one of their first four selections.

11. St. Louis Rams (6-10, .484) - Just when it looks like the Rams defense is headed for respectability, they lose their biggest hitter, safety Adam Archuleta. The Rams secondary woes are compounded by their lack of a pass rush. They would love a speed-rusher on the outside, and need a left outside linebacker. Also, their receivers aren't getting any younger.

12. Cleveland Browns (6-10, .508) - If you get picked by the Browns in the first round - duck. Seriously, your first call needs to be to an insurance agent. Just ask their last two No. 1 picks, Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow Jr. The Browns are solid on offense, especially if Edwards and Winslow can bounce back from injuries. Their first three picks need to be defensive lineman and linebackers. Don't be surprised if they grab another receiver late, and defensive backfield depth should be on their to-do list.

13. Baltimore Ravens (6-10, .523) - Don't look now, but the defense is crumbling. The Ravens need a right defensive end, and could use a run stuffer at DT. They've tied up a lot of cap space on offensive skill players, but they still don't have anyone to protect whatever stiff they have under center. I say they go DT-OG-DE in the first three.

14. Philadelphia Eagles (6-10, .531) - They clearly need some playmakers on offense. A running back to spell Brian Westbrook makes sense, but its not their style to grab one early. Obviously they are desperate for a wideout. I think OL Winston Justice would be a steal at this slot. In the second or third round they need to upgrade at outside linebacker.

15. Denver Broncos (13-3, .500) - Denver received this pick from Atlanta, and it really puts them in the cat-bird seat in the first round. Their front seven is outstanding, and they used their first three picks on corners last year, so expect them to retool the offense. They desperately need another wide and the smart money says they go WR-TE with their first two picks. But I think they should grab a wideout at 14 and then snag DeAngelo Williams at 21.

16. Miami Dolphins (9-7, .457) - Before we start fitting Nick Saban for a 2006-07 Super Bowl ring, I think the Dolphins need to address some defensive weaknesses. Their starting safeties are Travares Tillman and Renaldo Hill (who dey?) and the corners aren't much better. Also, if they lose out on Lavar Arrington they have a dearth at linebacker. Finally, the offensive line performed admirably last season, but is still suspect.

Questions or comments for Robert? E-mail him at robert@docsports.com or check out his Insider Page here.