If your eyes aren't already bleeding from reading the 230,000 of these things that are on the web, here is one man's Mocking of the 2006 NFL Draft. The draft will be held this Saturday and Sunday in New York City.

1) Houston Texans - Reggie Bush, RB, USC

Bush. Texas. Enough said. The more important pick for the Texans is their No. 2 selection. LB Bobby Carpenter would be a great fit if he slipped, but I think they'll get Georgia's massive (see: fat) guard, Max Jean-Gilles, who could be an outstanding lineman for the next decade.

2) New Orleans Saints - Mario Williams, DE, N.C. State

This is the first draft domino to be pushed over, and the Saints' selection will determine the direction of the first round. They say Williams can be the next Reggie White or Julius Peppers. I say DE's have a big bust rate, and I hope Williams can swim.

3) Tennessee Titans - Matt Leinart, QB, USC

Saw a hilarious piece on Leinart last weekend on ESPN. They were talking about how traumatic it was for him to have to wear thick glasses when he was younger, and how other kids picked on him. There was the dramatic background music, the concern in Shelley Smith's voice, and a priceless interview that tried to elicit sympathy from a guy they're showing at parties with Nick Lachey and Jim Carrey.

The piece wasn't as funny as the one before it - about the young girl playing golf while her mom dies of terminal cancer - but it was pretty darn close.

4) New York Jets - D'Brickshaw Ferguson, OL, Virginia

You could have had Vince Young, but instead you take Patrick Ramsey. Shameful. I don't believe that the Jets will take Young - infuriating the fan base - but will instead address one part of their decimated line here, and another at the top of round two with center Nick Mangold.

5) Green Bay Packers - A.J. Hawk, LB, Ohio State

Quick, name the last great Green Bay linebacker. Anyone? Anyone? The Pack need to rebuild the franchise, and playing in the NFC North means having to at least be able to pound, and take a pounding, defensively.

6) San Francisco 49ers - Vernon Davis, TE, Maryland

What a wreck the 49ers are. Last season, Alex Smith looked a bit like Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais on American Idol this season: completely overmatched. I think that will be less of a concern with Davis, who at 6-3, 253 is built like a Russian BT-1 tank.

7) Oakland Raiders - Vince Young, QB, Texas

Young would have fantastic value here at No. 7, given that he and Bush were the best players in college ball last year. And who better to mentor a guy with shaky mechanics and questionable intelligence than new Oakland signal-caller Aaron Brooks? Quick, somebody call Vince Evans.

8) Buffalo Bills - Michael Huff, DB, Texas

Aging linebackers, holes across the entire offensive line, an owner hopped up on Miacalcin and senility who just discovered the Internet, a rundown stadium with a fan base whose economy is doing only slightly better than Zimbabwe. Welcome to the party, Michael Huff. You'll love the winters up here.

9) Detroit Lions - Jimmy Williams, CB, Virginia Tech

The Lions secondary has been getting by on smoke and mirrors for a couple of seasons now. Dre' Bly and Fernando Bryant aren't bad, but their consistency is questionable and there's zero depth behind them. Williams is a pure top-ten talent, but has seen his draft stock plummet over the past two months. But hey, it's the Lions. They'll reach.

10) Arizona Cardinals - Winston Justice, OL, USC

They should go defense with this pick, but if Justice is still on the board they would be fools to pass on him. Believe me, it's already going to be a lot of fun watching Kurt "Pat-pat-pat" Warner and his happy feet behind that line. But if you've got a shot at a potential All-Pro lineman you better take him.

11) St. Louis Rams - Haloti Ngata, DT, Oregon

We're going to find out early what Scott Linehan is made of. His pedigree is offensive scheming, and he could be tempted to grab Jay Cutler here. They're desperate for a pass rusher, but I think the upside of Ngata is too much to overlook.

12) Cleveland Browns - Chad Greenway, OLB, Iowa

You know Romeo Crennel wants linebackers to fill out his 3-4 system, but if Ngata slips he would be a steal at this slot. Greenway hasn't been projected this high in many mocks, but I think Crennel sees his character and toughness as assets to overcome any physical limits.

13) Baltimore Ravens - Brodrick Bunkley, DL, FSU

Bunkley bounced back from an injury-riddled junior year to have a monster senior season. He was primarily a DT for the Seminoles, but can move outside as a rush DE. He's a bit of a tweener, which is good because it means he'll be a flexible pawn in the Ravens 4-3 alignment. Also, since he played at FSU he'll already be well versed in hanging out with and acting like a criminal - which is a must for the Ravens.

14) Philadelphia Eagles - Chad Jackson, WR, Florida

I know this pick contradicts Andy Reid's firm rule of only drafting lineman in the first round, but Jackson fills a clear need. The Eagles are hoping that either Ngota or Justice slide down to this spot, but if not they have to give McNabb another weapon.

15) Denver Broncos - Santonio Holmes, WR, Ohio State

With Ashley Lelie bitching about his role in Denver, a wideout here trumps their need for a lineman or a tight end. They picked up a second- and third-round pick from San Fran for their second first-round selection, so I expect them to be active. Keep an eye out for a Lelie-for-Javon Walker trade, with Denver kicking in a third-round pick.

16) Miami Dolphins - Tye Hill, CB, Clemson

For all the good that Nick Saban has done in Dolphin Land, they still have an atrocious secondary down in the swamp. Hill is excitable and could step in instantly and contribute as a nickel corner.

17) Minnesota Vikings - Ernie Sims, LB, Florida State

Again, Jay Cutler could be very tempting for a team relying on the arm of 84-year-old Brad Johnson. But it looks like the Ziggy Wilf Vikings are going to be committed to running and defense. The speed of Sims makes him a solid grab at this slot.

18) Dallas Cowboys - Jason Allen, S, Tennessee

The Cowboys have a lot of needs, but none of them can be addressed with good value at this position. The Boys need someone to flank Roy Williams, and Allen was steady throughout his career with the Vols. If Cutler's still on the board look for the Jets to make a move.

19) San Diego Chargers - Jon Joseph, CB, South Carolina

The Chargers have three former first-round picks in their secondary right now. Trouble is, none of them have made much of an impact. You wonder if because of their past disappointments SD would move away from that position - like when I swore off dating strippers after the fourth faked pregnancy test - but the fact remains that if you play in the West you need to be able to defend the pass.

20) Kansas City Chiefs - Ashton Youboty, CB, Ohio State

The Chiefs released Eric Warfield and Dexter McLeon, so they have a huge gap in the secondary. But anyone who has seen K.C. over the past five years knows they just need someone - anyone - who can tackle, and I think a linebacker would be a wiser choice. But what do I know?

21) New England Patriots - Donte Whinter, S, Ohio State

The Patriots have been able to sneak by with wide receivers, grocery clerks and high school gym teachers playing in the secondary. It's time to address a need, especially if you're not going to have Rodney Harrison to clean up the messes next season. A running back is also a consideration here.

22) San Francisco 49ers - Manny Lawson, DE, N.C. State

Since they lost their best defensive end (Kevin Carter) and outside linebacker (Julian Peterson), maybe the Niners think Lawson will make up for both. Who knows? But a team with so many holes wouldn't part with two other picks to move up unless they had someone targeted.

23) Tampa Bay Bucs - Richard Marshall, CB, Fresno State

The Bucs are a weird team. I'm having a hard time finding their holes, yet they're nowhere near a flawless club. This is a pick for depth. But don't be surprised if they strongly consider keeping Sinorice Moss in Florida.

24) Cincinnati Bengals - Mercedes Lewis, TE, UCLA

The Bengals should draft a linebacker or a defensive lineman here - and there's a good possibility they will - but for this Mockery we're going to have them impulse buying with the intent of making their offense unstoppable.

25) New York Giants - Sinorice Moss, WR, Miami

After watching Santana Moss light people up for division rival Washington, the Giants will grab his younger brother, Sinorice, and make their offense absolutely lethal. They could still add depth at the linebacking spot, and need a defensive tackle or two, but this move will continue the buzz that was started after the Lavar Arrington signing.

26) Chicago Bears - Leonard Pope, TE, Georgia

This is more of a Wish than a Declaration. The Bears return all 22 starters, and they made a big pickup signing Ricky Manning Jr. this weekend. Manning Jr. will fill the dual need of nickel corner and Denny's enforcer, where he'll beat the piss out of anyone trying to do work on a laptop after 2 a.m. Oh right, Pope. Yeah, he's a behemoth and would give Rex Grossman a great red zone target. That is, until Grossman gets hurt and then he give Brian Griese a great red zone target. Until Griese gets hurt, and...

27) Carolina Panthers - DeAngelo Williams, RB, Memphis

Yes the Panthers have a need at RB. But they also desperately need linebackers, or a young buck to steal some snaps on the defensive line. But since there isn't much value at running back, along with not many teams with need, the Panthers will be giddy if Williams slides to them here. That is, if he gets past the Patriots.

28) Jacksonville Jaguars - Bobby Carpenter, LB, Ohio State

The Jags have some gaps, and plenty of depth issues on the defensive side. They have already lost three linebackers to free agency, making Carpenter a need pick. But maybe they think that Matt Jones can play the role of QB-TE-WR-K-MLB for them this season.

29) New York Jets - Jay Cutler, QB, Vanderbilt

Yup, it could all fall into place for the Jets. That is only if the Vikings, Ravens, Chiefs and Rams decide not to take him (only in Bobby's World). Imagine the luck if the Jets do have a shot at Cutler, whom some originally targeted as a top-10 selection.

30) Indianapolis Colts - Laurence Maroney, RB, Minnesota

Doesn't anyone get that Edgerrin James wasn't the Colts biggest offseason loss? The combo of OLB David Thornton and DT Larry Tripplett was much more important to this team than Edge. The Colts can always score, but they worked so hard over the last three years to get their defense to respectability. If the Colts were wise, they would snag the best large mammal available here and try to stop the slide.

31) Seattle Seahawks - Antonio Cromartie, CB, Florida State

The Seahawks have a need across the defensive line, but if they don't gamble on BC's Mathais Kiwanuka at this spot (or maybe DeMeco Ryans) they'll opt for the extremely athletic Cromartie. Jean-Gilles is also tempting here, given the loss of Steve Hutchinson.

32) Pittsburgh Steelers - LenDale White, RB, USC

The Steelers have a load of players whose contracts expire in 2007, so they are drafting for depth this April. But LenDale "Don't Call Me Mo Clarett" White is a top-15 talent who has slipped because of a hamstring injury (and some new love handles). But when White is right, he's the type of tough runner that Pittsburgh fans love.

Questions or comments for Robert? E-mail him at robert@docsports.com or check out his Insider Page here.