In the future, the Revolution will not be televised. But the NFL Draft most certainly will be.

It's widely accepted that at least three years are needed to accurately judge the success or failure of a specific draft. I knew I had some time to kill, so you'll have to forgive me for waiting three days to reflect on the bizarre and banal happenings of the annual April orgy that we refer to as The Draft.

The 2006 Futures lines have been pulled from just about every book I can find as oddsmakers sift through the rubble of free agency and The Draft. But don't you worry. Ringo here is on the case, and once the updated lines are posted I'll have analysis on what they looked like before and after D-Day.

Now, I am squarely in the camp that The Draft is a media-generated Hype Machine. It's a profound piece of propaganda that is perpetrated on We, The People. But We eat it up. We're a nation of jingoistic football addicts, and We can't get enough of the stuff.

I watched about 14 hours worth of coverage this weekend looking for any tidbit or any nugget that will tip the balance of my perception on the 2006-07 season. Instead I found myself slowly getting brainwashed by the zealots at ESPN. But even their highly tuned powers of persuasion couldn't make Chris Berman funny, Sean Salisbury a good analyst, Michael Irvin not a crackhead or the NFL Draft immediately relevant.

What they did convince me of is that Mel Kiper Jr. is like an evil David Koresh. Well, he's what Koresh would have been if he had shaved, gone to Wall Street and become some coked-out annuities trader during the late 80s. Kiper is little more than a used car hustler or a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. But this Pied Piper is an annual demigod, worshiped for his ability to speak knowledgably about sixth-round picks from West Tennessee State University Tech.

I actually have to commend the man for finding a loophole in the System. He's got a very cool job with nearly zero accountability. He can make as many wild and baseless claims as he'd like, slander whoever comes to mind and overhype whomever he feels. And when it comes to the accuracy of his predictions, everyone is too busy focusing on his breakdown of Guy Whimper's technique in 2006 than recalling his statement that "Akili Smith has tremendous upside" in 2002.

By our three-years-and-judge postulate, the 2005 season should have been an indicator on the winners and losers from the 2002 draft. So, who were the winners and losers from that fateful weekend? Who knows! And what did Mel say about the picks? Who did he select as the winners and losers that day? Who cares, Arizona is on the clock and they're grabbing Matt Leinart!

I wish it were that easy in the gambling world. I wish there weren't dire consequences, for good or ill, following every decision you make (or don't make) when it comes to wagering. I wish I could just toss out random statements of fact and opinion, and have no one know, or even care, if what I say is true. Life sure would be easier, wouldn't it?

Sorry. That's not what I do. And I have little respect for anyone who operates that way.

This weekend I realized that Mel Kiper Jr. is an evil genius. And that Rachel Nichols is a skank. They both must be stopped. Not for the sake of you or I, but for the Children.

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